Friendship
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2.The foundations and origins of friendship
2a.Virtue and likeness as the ground of friendship
See also: Love 7a · Virtue and Vice 6e
Homer, The OdysseyVol. 22
- p. 262–263Odysseus honoured his henchman Eurybates above all his company because he was like-minded with himself, a hint of friendship grounded in likeness of mind; the passage also recalls guest-friendship.read · scan
Confucius, The Sayings of ConfuciusVol. 44
- p. 25Tseng-tzu recalls a friend who was humble, learned from the ignorant and never answered back, praising a friend's character.read · scan
- p. 51–52To practise goodness, serve the best men and get friends who love goodness: friends aid virtue.read · scan
Marcus Tullius Cicero, On FriendshipVol. 9
- p. 15–16Friendship can exist only between good men; it exceeds kinship because affection cannot be removed from it, and is confined to two or few.read · scan
- p. 36Friendship is the handmaid of virtue, not of vice; be good yourself, judge before loving; mutual respect and bearing burdens; carelessness in choosing friends.read · scan
- p. 41–42Virtue creates and preserves friendship; love without need; friends of all ages; we should seek to love and be loved; Scipio's friendship the greatest blessing.read · scan
Epictetus, The Golden Sayings of EpictetusVol. 2
- p. 148True friendship is found only where modesty and shared good in the Will exist, not in kinship or long companionship; friends are faithful and just.read · scan
Saint Augustine, The Confessions of St. AugustineVol. 7
- p. 86–87Augustine describes friends bemoaning life's vanity together and his bond with Alypius, grounded in mutual love and esteem for virtue; he laments lacking a friend's means to reclaim him.read · scan
Francis Bacon, Essays, Civil and MoralVol. 3
- p. 119–120Advice from a few friends is honorable, since onlookers see more; yet little true friendship exists, least between equals, mostly between superior and inferior.read · scan
William Shakespeare, The Tragedy of Hamlet, Prince of DenmarkVol. 46
- p. 103–104Hamlet greets Horatio warmly as 'my good friend', insists on friendship over servant status, and trusts his honesty against his own self-disparagement.read · scan
- p. 149Hamlet praises Horatio as a man not fortune's slave, chosen for his steady temper and worn in his heart's core; then entrusts him to watch the King.read · scan
Izaak Walton, The Life of Dr. John DonneVol. 15
- p. 353–355Describes the long friendship of Donne and George Herbert, built on sympathy, delight in each other's company and sustained by sacred endearments and gifts such as the seal poem.read · scan
Izaak Walton, The Life of Mr. George HerbertVol. 15
- p. 377–378Describes the amity between Lady Herbert and Donne as a chaste bond of suitable inclinations and virtues, like Chrysostom's and Jerome's, with benefaction and gratitude.read · scan
Sir Thomas Browne, Religio MediciVol. 3
- p. 330Argues that what we love in noble friends is the invisible virtue, not the embraced body; earthly affections, even family ties, prove inconstant beside love of God.read · scan
John Bunyan, The Pilgrim's ProgressVol. 15
- p. 173–175Feeble-mind and Ready-to-halt love each other and agree in opinions, the weak supporting one another in fellowship.read · scan
Jonathan Swift, On the Death of Esther Johnson [Stella]Vol. 27
- p. 129–130Stella won the esteem and friendship of all who knew her; she indulged companions' wrong opinions, and friends questioned her about it.read · scan
Gotthold Ephraim Lessing, Minna von Barnhelm, or The Soldier's FortuneVol. 26
- p. 372–374Count asks for Tellheim's friendship, esteeming him an honourable man; friendship offered on the basis of honour.read · scan
William Hazlitt, Of Persons One Would Wish to Have SeenVol. 27
- p. 273–274Lamb admires Pope's friendly epistles and list of early friends, and longs to have been friends with him; friendship as mutual esteem and affection among men of genius.read · scan
William Ellery Channing, On the Elevation of the Laboring ClassesVol. 28
- p. 341–343Says men prefer as friends and associates those they sympathize with, such as the intelligent or pious, but this natural choice should not harden into exclusive castes.read · scan
Ralph Waldo Emerson, FriendshipVol. 5
- p. 106Gratitude for friends as unsought gifts of God; affinity of virtue makes many one, and the fear of parting is answered by trust in affinity.read · scan
- p. 114Friendship requires a mean between likeness and unlikeness; a friend must stay himself, not an echo. High friendship demands ability to do without it.read · scan
Ralph Waldo Emerson, CirclesVol. 5
- p. 155–156Mentions that friend and fact are drawn to their counterpart by the law that like draws to like, not by pursuit.read · scan
John Stuart Mill, AutobiographyVol. 25
- p. 37–38Father's friendships arose from congeniality of opinion; Bentham's intimacy rested on shared views, a natural foundation for sympathy; Ricardo's kindliness attracted the young.read · scan
- p. 49Grote's intimacy with the elder Mill ripened from shared ideas; Mill gains benefit of sympathetic communion with an eminent friend.read · scan
- p. 95–97Mill's intimacy with Roebuck fades over differing views on the feelings, while he grows into friendly intercourse with Maurice and Sterling; friendship shifts with intellectual affinity.read · scan
- p. 97Mill portrays his deep attachment to Sterling: loveable character, openness across differences of opinion, meetings 'like brothers' despite distance; friendship as affection and intellectual sympathy.read · scan
- p. 108–110Mill's acquaintance with Carlyle persists despite deep philosophical differences; he sought and cultivated him regardless, showing candour in a relationship of admiration without agreement.read · scan
- p. 141–143Agreement on cardinal convictions is an essential requisite of true friendship; Mill's intimate friendship with Mrs. Taylor, marked by confidence, strong affection and propriety despite gossip.read · scan
2b.The controversy over friendship for utility or for itself
Marcus Tullius Cicero, On FriendshipVol. 9
- p. 18–19Friendship springs from natural love and virtue, not need; it admits no feigning, unlike interested courting; Laelius praised for fidelity and constancy.read · scan
- p. 20Friendship originates in admiration of virtue, not want; self-sufficient men seek it most; benefits follow but are not its source.read · scan
- p. 21Friends strive for equal affection and rivalry in service; friendship arises from nature not need, so genuine friendships are eternal, unlike advantage-based ones.read · scan
- p. 26–27Friendship begins in perceived virtue and likeness, and in mutual affection; rejects the utility theory: advantage follows friendship, not the reverse.read · scan
- p. 36Friendship is sought for itself, not profit; a friend is a second self; love of self extends to blending spirits with another.read · scan
Luke, The Gospel According to LukeVol. 44
- p. 392–393Advises not inviting friends to dinner for reciprocal return, but the poor; friendship criticized as entangled with recompense.read · scan
- p. 395–396Elder son wants to make merry with friends; and the steward is told to make friends with mammon so they will receive him, friendship as prudent provision.read · scan
Saint Augustine, The Confessions of St. AugustineVol. 7
- p. 97Augustine says he could not be happy without friends despite abundant pleasures; he loved his friends for themselves only and was so loved in return.read · scan
Niccolò Machiavelli, The PrinceVol. 36
- p. 8A conqueror cannot keep the friendship of those who helped him gain a state, since he can neither reward them enough nor use force against them.read · scan
- p. 71Friends won through discontent with the old regime are hard to keep, whereas the friendship of the formerly satisfied is easier to secure.read · scan
- p. 73Prince should be a staunch friend and thorough foe; neutrality loses friends, victors dislike doubtful friends, and aiding another creates obligation and gratitude.read · scan
- p. 78–79Faithful friends are listed among the supports strengthening a new prince's state.read · scan
Christopher Marlowe, Edward the SecondVol. 46
- p. 79–81Mortimer, ruling by fear rather than love, vows to advance his friends and plague enemies; friendship as political allegiance.read · scan
Ben Jonson, The AlchemistVol. 47
- p. 593–594Subtle argues that the elixir's cures will 'make friends' and raise allies; friends are treated as gained by favors, a purely instrumental view of friendship.read · scan
Philip Massinger, A New Way to Pay Old DebtsVol. 47
- p. 876Overreach declares 'Friendship is but a word', voicing cynical rejection of friendship and obligation to others.read · scan
Thomas Hobbes, Of Man, Being the First Part of LeviathanVol. 34
- p. 362–363Friends are counted as power because they are united strengths; liberality procures friends, and affability gains love. Friendship is treated as an instrumental good.read · scan
John Milton, Paradise RegainedVol. 4
- p. 371Satan argues that money brings friends, citing Herod's gold winning powerful friends; friendship figured as a product of wealth and a means to power.read · scan
Blaise Pascal, ThoughtsVol. 48
- p. 60–61Fragmentary note 'I have no friends to your advantage' touches on friendship and advantage.read · scan
- p. 73Worldly success requires being faithful and useful to a friend; men love what is useful, and trust for counsel and help requires belief in God.read · scan
Adam Smith, An Inquiry into the Nature and Causes of the Wealth of NationsVol. 10
- p. 19Notes that a person's whole life is scarcely enough to gain the friendship of a few, so he cannot rely on benevolence and must appeal to self-interest for help.read · scan
- p. 97–98Observes that without interest as compensation, only charity or friendship would motivate lending, treating friendship as a non-commercial motive.read · scan
Robert Burns, Poems and SongsVol. 6
- p. 82–84Denounces the selfish world that lets friendship yield to money; welcomes those who live by 'each aid the others' as friends and brothers; thanks Lapraik for his kind letter.read · scan
Alessandro Manzoni, I Promessi Sposi (The Betrothed)Vol. 21
- p. 315–317Don Rodrigo is accepted as friend by the Unnamed, a friendship of mutual service and promised aid, yet concealed for reputation's sake; shows friendship as self-interested alliance.read · scan
Richard Henry Dana, Jr., Two Years Before the MastVol. 23
- p. 141–142Nicholas offers to be good friends with Dana out of respect and self-interest; their alliance keeps the officer in check.read · scan
William Morris, PoemsVol. 42
- p. 1195–1196Socialist vision that wealth which fetters a friend into slavery or buys a friend in the market will vanish; friendship is corrupted by gold.read · scan
2c.How friendships form: shared pursuits, service and good company
See also: Love 7a
Homer, The OdysseyVol. 22
- p. 205Telemachus appeals to hereditary friendship from their fathers and equal age, which deepens with the journey; he also uses friendship to explain his need to leave Nestor's hospitality.read · scan
Confucius, The Sayings of ConfuciusVol. 44
- p. 16Yen P'ing was versed in friendship: familiarity bred courtesy, so lasting friendship keeps respect.read · scan
Marcus Tullius Cicero, Letters of CiceroVol. 9
- p. 139–141Cicero calls philosophy his best friend and appeals to shared studies and lifelong devotion with Cato, hoping his friendship and influence will grant his wish.read · scan
- p. 142Cicero embraced Brutus's friendship on his friend's advice, grew fond of him, and works hard to fulfil Brutus's commissions out of that friendship.read · scan
Virgil, The AeneidVol. 13
- p. 270Aeneas seeks alliance with Evander, appealing to shared descent, common enemies and exchanged faith; Evander offers welcome and friendship, showing friendship as pledged alliance.read · scan
- p. 355Aeneas says he sought the Latians' friendship before the war and that their king refused his proffered friendship; friendship is treated as an alliance offered and rejected.read · scan
Pliny the Younger, Letters of PlinyVol. 9
- p. 216–218Pliny recommends his friend Voconius Romanus, describing lifelong companionship, shared home and thoughts, mutual affection, and his readiness to do friends good services.read · scan
- p. 236Pliny calls friends' mutual encouragement toward literary fame a 'happy rivalry', with affection prompting him to urge his friend on as he has been urged.read · scan
- p. 370–371Friendship born of shared military service, strengthened by long acquaintance; Lupus shares Pliny's burdens in Bithynia, and Pliny treats his relations as his own.read · scan
Saint Augustine, The Confessions of St. AugustineVol. 7
- p. 55–56Love for an unseen man is kindled through the praise of one who loves him; a commender's sincere affection passes on love.read · scan
- p. 102–103Providence supplies a friend, Firminus, who consults Augustine as one dear to him; shared study and conference between his father and a friend fanned a common enthusiasm.read · scan
BeowulfVol. 49
- p. 48–50Hrothgar calls Beowulf 'friend' and pledges his love and lasting support, tying gratitude for service to a bond of mutual loyalty between the two leaders.read · scan
Stories from the Thousand and One NightsVol. 16
- p. 30King Yunan promises the sage wealth and offers to make him his companion and friend as reward for a cure; friendship as a bestowed honor.read · scan
- p. 32The king resolves to make his healer his companion and familiar friend for life, showing gratitude turning into intimate favor.read · scan
Amerigo Vespucci, Amerigo Vespucci's Account of His First VoyageVol. 43
- p. 28Europeans resolve to try to make hostile people friends, offering friendship as an alternative to being treated as foes; friendship as conditional alliance.read · scan
Niccolò Machiavelli, The PrinceVol. 36
- p. 49Philopoemon walking with friends poses tactical questions, hearing their opinions and giving his own; companionship as shared counsel and instruction.read · scan
William Roper, The Life of Sir Thomas MoreVol. 36
- p. 114More accepts the Lieutenant's professed friendship and poor cheer, showing good will between prisoner and keeper despite the danger of royal displeasure.read · scan
Benvenuto Cellini, The Autobiography of Benvenuto CelliniVol. 31
- p. 23–24Cellini describes a close boyhood friendship with Francesco, son of Filippo: love grew through shared work and constant company, so that they never stayed apart.read · scan
- p. 41Lucagnolo, a rival craftsman, generously praises Cellini's work and asks to be his friend, showing friendship offered across professional rivalry.read · scan
- p. 298Cellini praises Guido Guidi as the most cultivated, affectionate, companionable friend, his comfort and support in trials; they lived together, and friendship is kept in memory.read · scan
- p. 318–319Guido Guidi is called Cellini's most intimate friend, honored by serving as godfather to his child.read · scan
Christopher Marlowe, The Tragical History of Doctor FaustusVol. 19
- p. 242–243Faustus grants the scholars' request because he knows their friendship is unfeigned, honoring those who wish him well.read · scan
William Shakespeare, The Tragedy of King LearVol. 46
- p. 215–216Gloucester introduces Kent as his honourable friend; Kent answers that he must love Edmund and know him better, a courtly making of friendship.read · scan
Izaak Walton, The Life of Mr. George HerbertVol. 15
- p. 382Bacon and Bishop Andrews begin a desired friendship with Herbert, valuing his judgment, dedicating works to him; Dufford honours his friend Herbert's verses.read · scan
- p. 411–412Herbert and Farrer renew a college acquaintance into a holy friendship sustained by loving letters and shared pious work, such as Farrer submitting Valdesso's book to Herbert's judgment.read · scan
John Milton, Tractate on EducationVol. 3
- p. 235Milton says he yields to Hartlib's earnest entreaty, though not merely from private friendship's laws; esteem for Hartlib's good works and their shared discourse move him to write.read · scan
- p. 245Travelled, well-bred youth will earn the regard of all men and the society and friendship of the best and most eminent people everywhere.read · scan
John Bunyan, The Pilgrim's ProgressVol. 15
- p. 69–70Christian and Faithful become companions; Faithful helps the fallen Christian, and they walk lovingly together, glad that God has made their spirits suit, sharing sweet discourse.read · scan
Alexander Pope, Solitude; On a Certain Lady at Court; Essay on ManVol. 40
- p. 440Pope addresses Bolingbroke as 'guide, philosopher, and friend': friendship as intellectual companionship, converse that shapes and guides the poet's art and thought.read · scan
Benjamin Franklin, His AutobiographyVol. 1
- p. 23Dr. Brown's sociable conversation with the stranger begins a lifelong acquaintance, showing how friendship forms through good company.read · scan
- p. 39–40Denham forms a friendship with Franklin on the voyage that lasts his life; sociable company in the cabin.read · scan
- p. 54Franklin acquires lasting friends at Burlington through conversation; they prove useful and mutually helpful, keeping their regard for him for life.read · scan
- p. 97–98Franklin wins a hostile rival's friendship by asking to borrow a book; a received favor breeds goodwill, so removing enmity beats resenting it; friendship lasted till death.read · scan
- p. 128Quincy, grateful for Franklin's service, ever after bore him cordial and affectionate friendship; friendship arising from a service rendered.read · scan
Jean-Jacques Rousseau, A Discourse upon the Origin and the Foundation of the Inequality among MankindVol. 34
- p. 189Rousseau argues benevolence and friendship are effects of constant pity fixed upon a particular object, deriving friendship from natural compassion.read · scan
Jean-Jacques Rousseau, Profession of Faith of a Savoyard VicarVol. 34
- p. 232The Savoyard priest keeps his patron's esteem after leaving service, and takes a natural affinity for the young fugitive, hinting at befriending him.read · scan
John Woolman, The Journal of John WoolmanVol. 1
- p. 268–269Reserved fellow travelers became free and sociable after several days of friendly behavior and fair return for services, showing how fellowship is won through kindness.read · scan
Oliver Goldsmith, She Stoops to ConquerVol. 18
- p. 208–209Hardcastle arranges the match through his old friend Sir Charles Marlow; friendship between fathers shapes the plan.read · scan
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, The Tragedy of Faust, Part IVol. 19
- p. 45–46Peasants hail Faust as a trusty friend for helping them in plague; friendship shown as gratitude for service to the poor.read · scan
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, EgmontVol. 19
- p. 263–264Regent observes Egmont and Orange, once rivals, now allied as inseparable friends; their friendship is seen as a political danger to her.read · scan
- p. 327–328Ferdinand's anguish at Egmont's doom and Egmont's surprised gratitude at pity from an enemy's son show sympathy crossing enmity, a bond forming.read · scan
- p. 328–329Ferdinand, who admired Egmont from boyhood, hoped to be his friend; Egmont reciprocates and asks his help. Friendship born too late, across enmity.read · scan
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, Introduction to the PropyläenVol. 39
- p. 252–253Friends are those united by common interest in cultivation; agreement with them confirms one's convictions, they reunite despite divergent paths, and letters preserve their shared growth.read · scan
- p. 253–254Exchange of ideas between friends striving for cultivation is a means of self-development; the author seeks to renew old friendships, continue with new ones, and win younger friends.read · scan
James Monroe, The Monroe DoctrineVol. 43
- p. 277The US professes valuing the emperor's friendship and cultivating good understanding with Russia, treating friendship between nations as something to be prized and maintained through amicable negotiation.read · scan
Robert Burns, Poems and SongsVol. 6
- p. 80–82Burns offers himself as a true friend to Lapraik, observing that real friends are few, and proposes meeting over drink to become better acquainted.read · scan
- p. 87–89Burns greets a fellow poet as brother, hopes for fraternal love free of envy, and pledges to be a friend in faith and practice.read · scan
William Wordsworth, PoemsVol. 41
- p. 600–602Poet and old Matthew talk with open, affectionate hearts, 'a pair of friends' despite the age gap; friendship across ages.read · scan
Alessandro Manzoni, I Promessi Sposi (The Betrothed)Vol. 21
- p. 370Federigo greets the converted Unnamed with cordiality like a new or long-standing affection; the Unnamed avows he deeply needs him and wants his company.read · scan
- p. 410A great friendship springs up between Lucia's family and their hosts, benefactors and benefited who are both good; also a remark on how one treats friends.read · scan
- p. 603Lucia and the merchant-woman, thrown together in sickness and bereavement, quickly form an intimacy; they serve as companions, encouragement and guards, promising not to part.read · scan
George Gordon, Lord Byron, PoemsVol. 41
- p. 810–812The prisoner makes friendship with spiders and even his chains through long communion, showing companionship arising from shared confinement.read · scan
John Stuart Mill, AutobiographyVol. 25
- p. 49–51Austin's sincere, kind interest in a mere youth and elevating conversation; Charles Austin treating Mill as an equal, a man among men, shows friendship's formative influence.read · scan
Charles Darwin, The Voyage of the BeagleVol. 29
- p. 154Wonders at the firm friendship between shepherd-dogs and sheep, explaining how it is formed by rearing the puppy from infancy among its future companions.read · scan
- p. 210–211Fuegians and the party become good friends after gifts; friendship shown through ritual patting of breasts, a demonstration of friendship exchanged and returned.read · scan
William Makepeace Thackeray, Jonathan SwiftVol. 28
- p. 8Notes Swift's tender friendship with Hester Johnson, formed as fellow dependants of Temple, leading him to invite her to Laracor.read · scan
Richard Henry Dana, Jr., Two Years Before the MastVol. 23
- p. 145Kanaka custom of a bound particular friend (ai\ane) with an alliance of mutual sacrifice; Hope adopts Dana after his kindness in illness, and Dana befriends him in return.read · scan
- p. 241–242Dana's devoted bond with the Hawaiian Hope: companionship in work, strong affection preferred to countrymen, pity at his dying, and belief in his loyalty.read · scan
2d.Friendship grounded in God
The Book of JobVol. 44
- p. 114–115Job recalls the 'friendship of God' upon his tent in his prosperous days; divine intimacy is likened to friendship.read · scan
The Book of PsalmsVol. 44
- p. 170–171The friendship of Jehovah is with those who fear him; God's intimacy is likened to friendship.read · scan
The Bhagavad-Gita; or, Song CelestialVol. 45
- p. 841–843Arjuna repents of having treated Krishna as a familiar friend, in jest and at rest, without knowing his majesty, and asks pardon as friend to friend.read · scan
- p. 843–846Krishna resumes his familiar friendly form, restoring Arjuna's calm; the intimacy of the beloved companion contrasts with the terrifying divine form.read · scan
Saint Augustine, The Confessions of St. AugustineVol. 7
- p. 47–48Augustine's early friend, dear through shared studies, was not yet a true friend, since true friendship is cemented only by love in God; his death cut short the bond.read · scan
- p. 52–53What is loved in friends is mutual love; mourning follows death; blessed is he who loves his friend in God, for he loses none dear.read · scan
Chapters from the KoranVol. 45
- p. 957–958God made friendship between the hearts of former enemies, turning them into brothers; unity among believers is a divine gift set against sectarian division.read · scan
- p. 980–981God took Abraham as a friend, presenting friendship with God as the mark of the man who submits and does good.read · scan
BeowulfVol. 49
- p. 8–10Blessed is he who after death may find friendship in the Father's arms; friendship used as image of divine welcome.read · scan
Thomas à Kempis, The Imitation of ChristVol. 7
- p. 232Advises making friends of the saints by following their steps so as to be received after death; friendship as spiritual patronage.read · scan
- p. 242–243The man who best endures suffering and conquers himself is called the friend of Christ.read · scan
- p. 244–245Hold Jesus as your friend, for he will not forsake you when all others depart; love of created things is unstable.read · scan
- p. 285–286God has chosen the poor and humble to be his friends and acquaintance.read · scan
- p. 331–332Criticizes natural affection and human friendship for drawing men to favored saints; contrasts it with perfect spiritual love, the bond of charity uniting all.read · scan
Blaise Pascal, ThoughtsVol. 48
- p. 178Christ claims to be more a friend than any other, having suffered and died for the person in his infidelities.read · scan
William Penn, More Fruits of SolitudeVol. 1
- p. 383Friends who love in the divine principle cannot be separated by death or absence; friendship endures beyond the world.read · scan
- p. 384Comfort of friends: though they die, their friendship and society remain present and immortal in the divine.read · scan
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