Friendship
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3.The choice of friends
3a.Care and slowness in choosing friends
See also: Virtue and Vice 6e · Love 7a
Confucius, The Sayings of ConfuciusVol. 44
- p. 55–56Three good friends (straight, sincere, learned) and three harmful (smooth, fawning, glib); joy in worthy friends is beneficial.read · scan
- p. 63–64Debate on choosing friends: Tzu-hsia says cling to worthy and push away unworthy; Tzu-chang says bear with many, tolerating the weak.read · scan
Euripides, HippolytusVol. 8
- p. 345–346Hippolytus values winning a few friends kept clean of wrong, and claims honesty to whomever he calls friend; prefers good men near to love him over a crown.read · scan
Marcus Tullius Cicero, On FriendshipVol. 9
- p. 29–30Condemns the maxim to love a friend as a future enemy; friends must be chosen with care, be virtuous and harmonious, with limited concessions for friendship's sake.read · scan
- p. 30Men neglect choosing friends; test them by tentative friendship; look for constancy; most betray friends over money, office, prosperity or in adversity.read · scan
- p. 30–32Loyalty is the warrant of lasting friendship; choose simple, sympathetic friends who don't accuse or credit accusations; be sincere, trusting, pleasant and good-natured.read · scan
- p. 34Wait for mature character before choosing friends; affection must not hinder a friend's highest interests; limits of what to ask of a friend.read · scan
Pliny the Younger, Letters of PlinyVol. 9
- p. 293Pliny reflects that he has many friends but none suited to the task of managing country business; friends are chosen for fitness, and Rufus is recalled as a friend of the son.read · scan
Songs from the Elder EddaVol. 49
- p. 370–371Counsel to watch your friends' ways ever, a warning of wariness; then Sigurd swears oaths of troth with the Giukings, sealed by drinking together.read · scan
Thomas à Kempis, The Imitation of ChristVol. 7
- p. 211–212Counsels caution in choosing confidants and companions: open the heart only to the wise, love all but do not make close companions of all; do not boast of powerful friends.read · scan
Michel de Montaigne, Of FriendshipVol. 32
- p. 75Perfect friendship rests on complete knowledge and trust of each other; ordinary friendships need caution, per Chilon's and Aristotle's maxims.read · scan
William Shakespeare, The Tragedy of Hamlet, Prince of DenmarkVol. 46
- p. 109Polonius counsels choosing tried friends and binding them with hoops of steel, avoiding new comrades; lending loses both money and friend.read · scan
Molière, Tartuffe, or The HypocriteVol. 26
- p. 203–204Cleante argues one should not sacrifice one's friends and company for fear of idle gossip; the duty to keep friends outweighs slander.read · scan
Blaise Pascal, ThoughtsVol. 48
- p. 61–62A true friend, speaking well of one and backing him in his absence, is a great advantage even to lords; friends must be chosen well, not fools.read · scan
John Bunyan, The Pilgrim's ProgressVol. 15
- p. 280–281Honest remarks that not everyone met on the way is a friend, a brief observation on false and true companions.read · scan
William Penn, Some Fruits of SolitudeVol. 1
- p. 334Choose friends carefully for their qualities, avoiding covetous, proud, false; friendship bounded by virtue; kin preferred; be not too easily acquainted.read · scan
Jonathan Swift, On the Death of Esther Johnson [Stella]Vol. 27
- p. 128Stella valued honour, truth and good nature in her acquaintance and would overlook defects in wit; shows choice of companions and good company.read · scan
Edmund Burke, A Philosophical Inquiry into the Origin of Our Ideas of the Sublime and BeautifulVol. 24
- p. 90Says those chosen as companions of our softer hours are people of soft, kindly virtues, not shining qualities; lovable companions are chosen for gentleness.read · scan
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, EgmontVol. 19
- p. 304–305Ferdinand hopes to befriend Egmont; Alva rebukes his rash, inconsiderate attachments as dangerous connections, questioning the wisdom of choosing friends.read · scan
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, Hermann and DorotheaVol. 19
- p. 381The doctor cites the proverb that one must eat a bushel of salt with a new acquaintance before trusting him; time alone shows how a friendship will prosper.read · scan
Ralph Waldo Emerson, FriendshipVol. 5
- p. 114–115Friends are self-elected, not chosen; friendship demands reverence, distance and magnanimity, not intrusive familiarity, treating the friend as a spirit rather than property.read · scan
- p. 117Ideal friends are rare, so avoid rash alliances with cheap persons; parting from friends leads to a higher meeting; a friend is prophet of a greater friend.read · scan
Ralph Waldo Emerson, The Over-SoulVol. 5
- p. 142We intuitively judge the trustworthiness of friends' character without reasons; friendships are part of society's ongoing judgment of character.read · scan
Ralph Waldo Emerson, English TraitsVol. 5
- p. 368English reserve: giving a private address is like an avowal of friendship; introductions are sacraments, so friendship is guarded and slowly entered.read · scan
John Stuart Mill, AutobiographyVol. 25
- p. 141Argues for limiting one's society to a few persons; general society is insipid and degrading, and intellectual people should choose associates who are equals or superiors.read · scan
John Ruskin, Sesame and LiliesVol. 28
- p. 95–96Says friends and companions shape happiness and usefulness, so they should be chosen with care, though circumstance limits choice. Books are offered as a always-available society of friends.read · scan
3b.Old friends versus new; friends of a kind
Homer, The OdysseyVol. 22
- p. 27–28Mentor and Halitherses are named as friends of Odysseus's house from of old, and so fit to speed Telemachus's voyage.read · scan
Confucius, The Sayings of ConfuciusVol. 44
- p. 5–6Keeping faith with friends is a mark of learning; choose no friends unlike yourself.read · scan
- p. 24–25If rulers do not forsake old friends, the people will not be selfish; loyalty to old friends models virtue.read · scan
- p. 29Have no friends unlike yourself: counsel on choosing friends.read · scan
Marcus Tullius Cicero, On FriendshipVol. 9
- p. 32Old friends preferred to new, like aged wine; friends should treat each other as equals, and the superior should share advantages with friends.read · scan
Marcus Aurelius, The Meditations of Marcus AureliusVol. 2
- p. 196Pius's disposition to keep his friends, not tire of them, nor be extravagant in affection.read · scan
Benvenuto Cellini, The Autobiography of Benvenuto CelliniVol. 31
- p. 352Landi, Cellini's intimate friend since childhood, asks his help in a diamond sale, trading on old friendship and trust.read · scan
Henry Howard, Earl of Surrey, Complaint of the Absence of Her Lover Being upon the Sea; The Means to Attain Happy LifeVol. 40
- p. 193–194Surrey's list of what makes a happy life includes the equal friend, valuing an equal companion.read · scan
John Webster, The Duchess of MalfiVol. 47
- p. 779–780Antonio trusts Delio with a dangerous errand; Delio's parting maxim 'Old friends, like old swords, still are trusted best' states the value of tried loyalty.read · scan
Oliver Goldsmith, She Stoops to ConquerVol. 18
- p. 205–206Hardcastle declares he loves old friends alongside old times, books and wine, prizing long-standing friendship.read · scan
William Wordsworth, Prefaces to Various Volumes of PoemsVol. 39
- p. 290Compares readers' attachment to familiar poetry to old friends: offering new friends seems to require abandoning old ones, showing loyalty and habitual gratitude.read · scan
Charles Augustin Sainte-Beuve, What Is a Classic?Vol. 32
- p. 132–133In maturity we cling to old friends proved by long intercourse; great authors offer a friendship that never deceives or fails us.read · scan
William Makepeace Thackeray, Jonathan SwiftVol. 28
- p. 17–18Addresses Swift as one whose friends were Pope and St. John, questioning what led him to his vows; friendship only lightly implicated.read · scan
3c.Bad company and corrupting companions
Luke, The Gospel According to LukeVol. 44
- p. 371–372Jesus is reproached as a friend of publicans and sinners, showing friendship across social boundaries as a charge.read · scan
Plutarch, AntonyVol. 12
- p. 322Antony's father generously gives a needy friend a silver basin by a ruse; Antony's friendship with Curio leads him into dissipation and debt, showing friendship's corrupting influence and suretyship.read · scan
- p. 325Curio, Antony's friend, changes sides and draws Antony to Caesar, showing friendship's influence on political allegiance.read · scan
- p. 326Caesar's government gets a bad name through the faults of his friends, especially Antony, who had the largest trust.read · scan
Saint Augustine, The Confessions of St. AugustineVol. 7
- p. 15–16Denounces the friendship of the world as fornication against God, where companions' applause ('Well done!') urges one on in estrangement from God.read · scan
- p. 23His friends neglected his moral welfare, caring only that he become a persuasive orator, not that marriage check his fall.read · scan
- p. 29–30The pear theft reveals corrupt fellowship: he would not steal alone, and companions' encouragement made shamelessness easy; 'friendship too unfriendly' as inveigler to mischief.read · scan
- p. 33–34He enjoyed the friendship of the 'Subverters' though he abhorred their deeds, showing the pull of bad company.read · scan
- p. 45He and his friends pursued vanity and Manichaean error together, deceived by him and with him, showing shared error in fellowship; the summary promises reflections on real and unreal friendship.read · scan
- p. 73Augustine lived in closer familiar friendship with Manichees, and this intimacy made him slower to seek another way.read · scan
Izaak Walton, The Life of Mr. George HerbertVol. 15
- p. 376–377Mother warns that souls take in vice from wicked company; her cheerful, obliging manner wins her friendship with learned men, including Donne.read · scan
Sir Thomas Browne, Religio MediciVol. 3
- p. 298–299Uses Seneca's device of imagining his worthiest friends' presence to restrain him from vice, showing friends as a moral check.read · scan
Pierre Corneille, PolyeucteVol. 26
- p. 99Strato condemns Nearchus's friendship as a tempter's, leading Polyeucte to death and tearing him from his wife's arms; friendship shown as corrupting influence and rival bond.read · scan
John Bunyan, The Pilgrim's ProgressVol. 15
- p. 82–83Good men cannot call hypocritical Talkative brother or friend and blush to name him; true friendship requires a match between profession and life.read · scan
- p. 88–89Christian and Faithful discuss withdrawing from Talkative, whose empty religion makes him a blot on their company; Faithful's plain dealing is faithful friendship, and good talk eases their shared journey.read · scan
John Locke, Some Thoughts Concerning EducationVol. 37
- p. 74–75Warns of false friends who, under pretences of friendship and respect, lead a young man into vice and prey on him, then scorn him when ruined.read · scan
- p. 179Young travellers heed companions rather than the tutor; the season needs the governance of parents and friends.read · scan
Benjamin Franklin, His AutobiographyVol. 1
- p. 31The Quaker matron, seeing Franklin has no friend with him, offers a friendly warning against bad companions; friendly counsel protects a young man from snares.read · scan
- p. 32–33Collins, an intimate childhood friend, declines into drink and gambling and borrows continually from Franklin, showing how a friend's vice strains loyalty and burdens the other.read · scan
John Woolman, The Journal of John WoolmanVol. 1
- p. 171Woolman laments falling in with like-minded companions in vanity, an association 'adverse to true friendship'; bad company corrupts.read · scan
- p. 177Woolman sees public-house company as mutually corrupting and feels duty to admonish the master; the man took it kindly and showed more regard afterward.read · scan
- p. 210–211Counsels youth to choose company of those who serve God uprightly and shun ill companions, who bring ruin; shared virtue sweetens company and conversation.read · scan
Richard Brinsley Sheridan, The School for ScandalVol. 18
- p. 194–195Snake, a professional slanderer, fears an honest deed would cost him every friend, since his friends value his badness of character.read · scan
Robert Burns, Poems and SongsVol. 6
- p. 478–480Laments the friend led astray by wine, who deserves pity; the speaker's own frenzy is forgiven by the beloved.read · scan
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