Friendship
‹ 7 · Outline · 9 ›
8.The limits of friendship and conflicts of loyalty
8a.No wrong to be asked or done for a friend
See also: Duty 7e
The Book of PsalmsVol. 44
- p. 156–158The upright man who may dwell in God's tabernacle does no evil to his friend, a duty of loyalty.read · scan
Plato, CritoVol. 2
- p. 36–37Socrates gently tells his dear friend Crito that loyalty and persuasion cannot override principle; friendship is tested against what is just.read · scan
Marcus Tullius Cicero, On FriendshipVol. 9
- p. 22Asks how far friends should go for one another; loyalty to a friend's wrongdoing (Blossius and Gracchus) is no excuse, since friendship rests on virtue.read · scan
- p. 22–23Rule of friendship: neither ask nor grant wrong; virtuous friends like Luscinus and Aemilius never asked dishonour; good men owe no loyalty to friends disloyal to the republic.read · scan
- p. 23–25First law of friendship: ask and do only good, give candid advice, even sharply, and heed it; rejects philosophies that avoid friendship or seek it only for utility.read · scan
The Story of the Volsungs and NiblungsVol. 49
- p. 262Volsung argues that breaking troth with Siggeir would forfeit his friendship and bring enmity; keeping faith is what is seemly.read · scan
Benvenuto Cellini, The Autobiography of Benvenuto CelliniVol. 31
- p. 52Cellini refrains from touching his comrade's mistress out of loyalty to a friend; the friend then flees in the plague while the apprentice stays.read · scan
Miguel de Cervantes, The History of Don Quixote of the Mancha, Part IVol. 14
- p. 310–312Lothario argues true friends may be used only usque ad aras, never in offences against God or honour; Anselmo relies on his friend's silence and their amity.read · scan
- p. 317Lothario argues that Anselmo's demand contradicts amity: a friend should not despoil a friend's honour, and friendship binds him against soliciting Camilla.read · scan
- p. 319Anselmo appeals to the obligations of friendship, claiming a true friend must grant his request and not leave him to expose his weakness to a stranger.read · scan
8b.Friendship versus justice and public duty
See also: Duty 10b · Justice 6a
Sophocles, AntigoneVol. 8
- p. 260Creon declares he will not befriend his country's foe nor value a friend above country; friendship is subordinated to civic loyalty, and friends gather around the state's safety.read · scan
- p. 267The guard finds it bitter to bring friends into trouble, though self-preservation outweighs it; friendship strained against safety.read · scan
- p. 275–276Creon says men rear obedient sons to requite their father's foes and honour his friends; shared friends and enemies as a filial duty.read · scan
Aristophanes, The FrogsVol. 8
- p. 482Dionysus, torn between two poets, says both are his friends and he cannot decide without offending either; friendship strains judgment and impartiality.read · scan
- p. 482Euripides appeals to Dionysus's oath and bids him 'choose your friends'; Dionysus breaks the promise, showing friendship's claims against personal preference.read · scan
Marcus Tullius Cicero, Letters of CiceroVol. 9
- p. 81Cicero weighs private friendship with Satyrus and Domitius against a duty to Caecilius, asking to be excused for putting friendship and the canvass first.read · scan
- p. 81–84Cicero declined to attack a friend's reputation in his distress out of kindness; the offended man withdrew, showing the strain of conflicting loyalties.read · scan
- p. 142Cicero fears finding a friend (Brutus) not the man he thought; weighs friend's anger and favour against his own conduct, and values Atticus's tearful counsel.read · scan
- p. 153Cicero thanks Cato for conceding to friendship what he conceded to truth; praise from a respected friend, and friends' role in drafting honours.read · scan
Virgil, The AeneidVol. 13
- p. 178Euryalus, mindful of the sacred bonds of amity, trips Salius to help fallen friend Nisus win; friendship's loyalty overriding fairness, with Nisus' friendship renowned.read · scan
Plutarch, PericlesVol. 12
- p. 69Pericles anticipates that Archidamus might spare his estate out of guest-friendship, and pre-empts the suspicion by giving it to the state; his friends' entreaties do not move him.read · scan
Plutarch, AristidesVol. 12
- p. 80–81Themistocles wants friends to hold greater privilege than strangers; Aristides refuses to join friends in wrongdoing, noting that friends' backing encourages injustice, so integrity outranks partisan loyalty.read · scan
- p. 81Aristides champions justice against feelings of friendship and favor as well as wrath and malice, and tells a litigant to set aside his personal stake.read · scan
Plutarch, CoriolanusVol. 12
- p. 180–181Volumnia warns Marcius that conquering Rome would show him bringing misery on his friends and patrons, and appeals to gratitude and duty owed to those who trusted him.read · scan
Saint Augustine, The Confessions of St. AugustineVol. 7
- p. 91–92Alypius clings to Augustine by a strong tie and follows him to Milan; his integrity scorns a powerful man's friendship, showing friendship weighed against justice.read · scan
Dante Alighieri, HellVol. 20
- p. 42–43Note says Farinata alone among citizens and friends opposed destroying Florence, showing loyalty to his city; friends only incidental.read · scan
Traditional BalladsVol. 40
- p. 122–123Christy Grahame refuses to fight Bewick, a sworn-brother who is faith and troth to him, torn between father's command and bond of friendship.read · scan
- p. 123–125Christy weighs killing his bully (sworn friend) against defying father; Bewick greets Grahame as nearest friend loved best, and refuses to fight him.read · scan
- p. 125–127Bewick refuses to fight his faith-and-troth friend Grahame; they fight anyway, sworn-brethren, showing loyalty of friendship strained by duty to fathers.read · scan
William Roper, The Life of Sir Thomas MoreVol. 36
- p. 103More distinguishes what he may do for a friend, such as words, letters or early hearing, from what justice forbids; friendship is bounded by duty to justice.read · scan
Benvenuto Cellini, The Autobiography of Benvenuto CelliniVol. 31
- p. 311Cellini offers Bologna a fair contest as the condition of friendship, otherwise enmity; friendship depends on justice and a wrong being set right.read · scan
William Harrison, A Description of Elizabethan EnglandVol. 35
- p. 374Criticises how friends' influence corrupts elections to fellowships: he with most friends wins over the better scholar; friends also serve as patrons supporting students.read · scan
Miguel de Cervantes, The History of Don Quixote of the Mancha, Part IVol. 14
- p. 51The curate spares the books of authors who are his great friends, so friendship sways his judgment and shows loyalty to friends' works alongside literary merit.read · scan
Francis Pretty, Sir Francis Drake's Famous Voyage Round the WorldVol. 33
- p. 205Drake executes Doughty despite his great private affection, putting duty to the voyage above friendship; then urges unity, love and communion as Christian brethren and friends.read · scan
John Webster, The Duchess of MalfiVol. 47
- p. 827–832Pescara says he will not grant Delio, though his friend, a suit that would be unjust; friendship yields to honour.read · scan
- p. 832Delio pledges to second Antonio in all danger ('my life keeps rank with yours'); Antonio calls him best friend; Pescara refuses to favour a friend by injustice.read · scan
Izaak Walton, The Life of Dr. John DonneVol. 15
- p. 335Donne yields to Sir Robert's urging to accompany him, feeling his liberty sold by friend's kindnesses; obligation of friendship strains his marriage.read · scan
William Penn, Some Fruits of SolitudeVol. 1
- p. 356Impartial judge treats his friend and enemy equally, showing justice overriding friendship's partiality.read · scan
Benjamin Franklin, His AutobiographyVol. 1
- p. 145Despite public wrangling, Morris and Franklin kept civil intercourse; he called in a friendly way for advice, showing friendship enduring apart from opposed public roles.read · scan
- p. 149–150Governor Denny, advised by friends in England, seeks to cultivate friendship with Franklin for his counsel and influence; Franklin courteously declines favours that would compromise his public duty.read · scan
Samuel Johnson, Life of Addison, 1672-1719Vol. 27
- p. 160–161Addison refused to remit fees out of civility to friends, reasoning that a hundred friends would lose him more than each gained; a duty of friendship weighed.read · scan
John Woolman, The Journal of John WoolmanVol. 1
- p. 224Warns that regard for friendships resting on no immutable foundation must not lead Friends to neglect duty on slavery; loyalty to friends yields to justice.read · scan
Edmund Burke, A Letter to a Noble LordVol. 24
- p. 396–397Burke defends pensions to men who were no friends of his, against attacks by the grantees' own partisan friends; friendship's partisanship contrasted with impartial justice.read · scan
Richard Brinsley Sheridan, The School for ScandalVol. 18
- p. 133–134Lady Teazle justifies her mockery as defence of a friend, and Mrs. Candour speaks of defending friend Mrs. Pursy's good nature.read · scan
Alessandro Manzoni, I Promessi Sposi (The Betrothed)Vol. 21
- p. 30–31Renzo appeals to friendship with Perpetua ('we are friends') to extract a secret and win help; she answers with loyalty to her master, showing friendship's claim against duty.read · scan
Richard Henry Dana, Jr., Two Years Before the MastVol. 23
- p. 365–366Argues that testimony of a captain's friends and neighbors to his good character on shore is no guide to his tyranny at sea, since friends see him only kindly.read · scan
8c.Friendship versus conscience, religious calling and self-reliance
Buddhist WritingsVol. 45
- p. 686–687Yama says friends and companions did not cause the man's wickedness; he alone bears its consequences, so friends cannot share or relieve one's moral responsibility.read · scan
- p. 687–688Yama repeats that friends and companions are not to blame for wickedness; each person alone bears its consequences, so friends cannot bear one's deeds.read · scan
Marcus Tullius Cicero, Letters of CiceroVol. 9
- p. 142Cicero fears that yielding to Brutus's agent would cost him his friend's affection, and weighs friendly obligation to Brutus against his own principles.read · scan
Plutarch, Comparison of Alcibiades with CoriolanusVol. 12
- p. 188Plutarch faults Coriolanus for retreating without asking the consent of his friends or those who trusted him, tracing this to his unsociable, self-willed disposition.read · scan
Saint Augustine, The Confessions of St. AugustineVol. 7
- p. 120Victorinus feared offending his friends, proud pagans, and delayed public confession of Christ; friendship's social pressure works as a hindrance to conversion.read · scan
Thomas à Kempis, The Imitation of ChristVol. 7
- p. 248–249Faithful friends and good companions help little when God's favour is withdrawn; consolation of friendship is insufficient.read · scan
- p. 324–325Contrasts nature, which rejoices in many friends and flatters the powerful, with grace, which loves enemies and is not lifted up by a multitude of friends.read · scan
Sir Thomas More, UtopiaVol. 36
- p. 140–141Raphael notes many seek great men's friendships, and he prefers liberty to courting princely favor.read · scan
William Harvey, On the Motion of the Heart and Blood in AnimalsVol. 38
- p. 62Harvey calls Truth a friend whom true philosophers must not desert for Antiquity; also relies on colleagues as loyal witnesses and supporters of his work.read · scan
Abraham Cowley, Of AgricultureVol. 27
- p. 68–69Horace, Virgil's dear friend, refuses Augustus's offer of a court post, and the emperor keeps a kind, familiar friendship despite the refusal.read · scan
Molière, Tartuffe, or The HypocriteVol. 26
- p. 211–213Orgon says Tartuffe's influence has weaned his heart from every friendship and affection, showing false piety destroying friendship and kinship ties.read · scan
John Bunyan, The Pilgrim's ProgressVol. 15
- p. 15–16Obstinate objects to leaving friends and comforts behind; Christian holds that seeking salvation outweighs ties to friends, showing a strain between loyalty to friends and a higher calling.read · scan
- p. 75–76Faithful says that once he became a pilgrim his friends and kin disowned him and he rejected them; old friendships are broken by faith.read · scan
- p. 184–185Neighbor Timorous protests that Christiana's new knowledge alienates her from her friends, showing the strain of friends parting over a path.read · scan
John Woolman, The Journal of John WoolmanVol. 1
- p. 188Woolman says that acting against interest from divine love, though it incurs men's resentment, opens the way to a friendship exceeding the friendship of men.read · scan
- p. 223Woolman prays to set aside "the friendship of this world" so he can stand resolved against slave-keeping, treating worldly friendship as a pull against duty.read · scan
- p. 240Woolman's affection for wife, daughter and friends at home makes leaving a trial, yet compassion for others resigns him to go; love of friends weighed against duty.read · scan
- p. 253–254Friends grow shy of Woolman over his singular hat, showing the strain on fellowship when conscience departs from companions' customs.read · scan
- p. 254–255Woolman notes a superficial friendship had endangered him, and that Friends' unease over his singular dress strained fellowship; he trusts God will open their hearts again.read · scan
- p. 290–291Beloved friends in Philadelphia show concern over Woolman's steerage lodging, urge a better place, then respectfully leave him to his conscience.read · scan
Friedrich Schiller, William TellVol. 26
- p. 394–395Stauffacher urges united action; Tell prefers self-reliance ('a man can count but on himself') yet asks 'is he a man to desert his friends?', promising loyal help when action is resolved.read · scan
Ralph Waldo Emerson, An Address Delivered before the Senior Class in Divinity CollegeVol. 5
- p. 39–40Highest virtue requires independence of friends: resist the unjust wishes of those who love us and the flow of kindness for truth's sake.read · scan
Ralph Waldo Emerson, Self-RelianceVol. 5
- p. 62Declares he would shun father, wife, brother when his genius calls; love afar is spite at home; he need not justify seeking or excluding company.read · scan
- p. 73Argues against taking on the faults of friends or kin merely through closeness. Friend, client and child importune the self, and true society must be preceded by isolation.read · scan
- p. 74Emerson tells family and friends he must live in truth; loyalty to his nature outranks their feelings. He offers love to the noble, admits friends may be pained, and rejects hypocritical attentions.read · scan
Ralph Waldo Emerson, CirclesVol. 5
- p. 152Friendship strains against self-imperfection: we resent approvers, love accuses the other; a man's growth shows in successive friends, and losing friends for truth gains better ones.read · scan
Ralph Waldo Emerson, WorshipVol. 5
- p. 294The new ethical religion sends man to solitude to 'have himself to his friend,' expecting no cooperation or companion; friendship contrasted with self-reliance.read · scan
Ralph Waldo Emerson, PoemsVol. 42
- p. 1243–1246Counsels giving up friends and kindred for love, yet keeping the beloved free; friendship subordinated to love and freedom.read · scan
8d.The detachment of the wise from friends
See also: Religion 4e
The Bhagavad-Gita; or, Song CelestialVol. 45
- p. 787Arjuna refuses to kill kinsmen and friends, finding no victory worth the slaughter of those for whose sake life is dear; bonds of kin and friends weigh against conquest.read · scan
- p. 813–814The yogi shows equal grace to comrades, friends, strangers and enemies; also the self can be its own friend or foe.read · scan
- p. 846The man beloved of God keeps an equal heart toward friend and foe, showing impartiality that transcends attachment.read · scan
- p. 855–858One who surmounts the Qualities treats friends and foes alike with tolerance, showing detachment from partiality.read · scan
Epictetus, The Golden Sayings of EpictetusVol. 2
- p. 155–156Pursuing philosophy requires quitting familiar friends; friendship's claims are a cost of the philosophic life.read · scan
- p. 168Diogenes held friends and relatives loosely, knowing they were received from the gods and could be given up; detachment from friends.read · scan
Thomas à Kempis, The Imitation of ChristVol. 7
- p. 225–226Withdrawing from acquaintances and friends is advised for devotion; retirement itself becomes a dear friend.read · scan
- p. 238Human friends are unreliable and change like the wind; trust belongs in Christ, whose friendship endures, so sorrow at a friend's opposition is misplaced.read · scan
- p. 247–248Learn to resign a beloved friend for God's sake and not resent desertion by a friend, since all must part at last.read · scan
- p. 287–288Do not trouble yourself about the friendship of many or others' love; such things bring distraction and sorrow of heart.read · scan
- p. 305–306Warns that attachment to a friend makes one unstable; friendship has no strength or endurance apart from God, so a friend's desertion or death should not grieve.read · scan
- p. 322Counsels separating oneself from acquaintances and dear friends, renouncing worldly companionship, to be alone with God and free of earthly comfort.read · scan
Ralph Waldo Emerson, FriendshipVol. 5
- p. 117Emerson prizes friends but rations intercourse to protect his own vision; receives from friends what they are, not what they have.read · scan
Ralph Waldo Emerson, PoliticsVol. 5
- p. 247The self-sufficient wise man has no personal friends, since he draws all men to him and needs not cultivate a select few for shared life.read · scan
Ralph Waldo Emerson, New England ReformersVol. 5
- p. 261True union is that of friends living in different streets or towns; it is perfect only when the uniters are isolated, since strict joining diminishes each.read · scan
Ralph Waldo Emerson, WorshipVol. 5
- p. 291–292Benedict's stance toward friends: he will not woo or ask friendship or favor; friends meet naturally, and he seeks none by pursuit, revealing an ideal of friendship without solicitation.read · scan
Ralph Waldo Emerson, English TraitsVol. 5
- p. 465Reports London claims that Wordsworth had no personal friend, and his rule of charging friends for board beyond plain fare; Emerson discounts the disparagement.read · scan
Ralph Waldo Emerson, PoemsVol. 42
- p. 1259–1260Nature urges the seeker to quit his friends as if dead and abandon society for solitude with her; friends are treated as something to renounce.read · scan
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